derailing | when the dark of the night comes around that's the time

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!arts and lovecrafts

when the dark of the night comes around that's the time

( CW: Cannibalism and suicidal thoughts )

[This week is shaping up to be just as bad as last week and it's only Wednesday. After falling down half a flight of stairs, Ryuunosuke's given up on today and has spent the day alternating between sleeping and (trying) to read, though reading and translating Chinese really isn't going so well in his state. The "demon summoning" book is back on the desk again and for now he's just staring up at the ceiling.

Tsukiyama should be back soon, right? Then they'll talk about... whatever happened to Tsukiyama's arm. There's no reason to worry. It's not like Tsukiyama's hiding anything big from him. There's no reason to worry.

Still, he keeps glancing over to the door as if that will make Tsukiyama show up faster. As always, the door is open just a crack, so Tsukiyama should be able to let himself in. Please don't be polite and knock today, Ryuunosuke really doesn't want to get up.]

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[...He's going to be polite and knock lightly anyway, but it's more as a courtesy than anything else; something to let Ryuunosuke know he's there, as opposed to anything that's really asking permission, and he lets himself in once he's done it, pushing the door open lightly and closing it behind him.

He's sort of hoping that Ryuunosuke is asleep when he comes in; he's not having the best evening of it. It quickly becomes clear that he's not, though, as soon as Tsukiyama enters, and once he realizes that much it's fairly obvious that he doesn't know what to do with himself; he doesn't come in like he owns the place like he usually does, he just hovers near the door, and while he doesn't look nervous there's a wariness in his eyes that isn't usually there.]

How are you feeling?

[Ryuunosuke is sitting up when Tsukiyama lets himself in, but he relaxes a bit when he sees his friend.]

I'm...

[And for some reason his first thought is to lie, to say he's fine even though he really isn't and it takes Ryuunosuke a moment to shrug. He winces afterwards and rubs his left shoulder.]

I've been better. A lot better. I kinda... sorta... fell down the stairs earlier. But I'm alright! I've been taking it easy and taking pain meds and I'm okay.

[He moves to sit on the bed as usual; Tsukiyama can take the chair at the desk or he can join Ryuunosuke on the bed, he doesn't care either way.]

...Don't overexert yourself from now on. I don't care how anxious you get; knowing this group, it'll only be a few more days.

[He doesn't move to sit down, though; he enters the room a bit more, but he seems agitated, restlessly so.]

I was in an argument with Silver-kun earlier; he saw fit to get self-righteous with me over the motive. So I've no doubt that it won't be long either way.

Okay. I won't.

[That's easy to agree to, both because he really doesn't want to get hurt again and because he doesn't want to make Tsukiyama have to worry about him on top of everything else.]

What did Silver say? He's kind of... dumb, but he usually means well, I think.

[But anyone getting self-righteous with a motive like this doesn't sound good, so...]

Are you okay?

I'll be fine, Uryuu, as I always am. He just said things to me that I didn't particularly care for, that's all; it takes more than that to upset me.

[And that is blatantly untrue, but it's not particularly something he wants to dwell on.

Granted, it's better than the reason he's here, but not by much.]

Well, yeah... But you can talk about that sort of stuff with me, if you want to.

[He rests his hands on his knees for a moment then motions for Tsukiyama to sit. You're making him uncomfortable just standing there!]

[And that just gets a dismissive gesture in return; he's fine, all right.]

...I'd offered him my rations yesterday, and he saw fit to snap at me about how stupid I would have to be to starve myself, like he has any idea. That's all.

Oh... Oh no... That's...

[Of course Silver has no idea. Still, it's cold of him to say something like that.]

I'm so sorry, Tsukiyama. That's... that's an awful thing to say. Is there... is there anything I can do to help?

[The offer is hesitant, mostly because he knows Tsukiyama will tell him it'll be fine, he's okay, it doesn't matter. Ryuunosuke's not sure he believes any of that.]

As I said, it isn't as though he knows.

[He just shrugs a bit.]

I'm not going to concern myself with it, at any rate, it was just a bit jarring.

Still, what an awful thing to have to deal with.

[He runs his right hand through his bangs and sighs.]

...So... what happened to your arm?

[No sense putting it off any longer, right?]

[His right hand drifts over to rub against it, the movement vague and instinctive, like he doesn't realize he's doing it.]

It's like I said, Uryuu, it'll pass in time.

[He knows what he said to him earlier, about discussing this, and he isn't usually nearly this obstinate; at the same time, this is...well, it's easier to fall back on insisting that everything's all right and he's fine and nothing bad is going to come of it. It's...safer that way, though he isn't sure why; he's trusted Ryuunosuke with so much already. But just the same...]

Tsukiyama.

[If he was feeling better, he'd be up and by Tsukiyama's side in a heartbeat, but as it is he just shifts on the bed a bit, but doesn't break eye contact.]

I don't know what's going on with you and I... I don't know why you won't tell me but... but something's going on and I can't just sit here and-- and--!

[His hands tighten on his knees and Ryuunosuke drops his gaze.]

...I can't do anything to help you, can I? I just... Even if I'm useless can you just-- can't you tell me? Please, I'm--

[I'm so worried about you.]

[Tsukiyama is quiet at that, though he's tipping his head a bit to the side while Ryuunosuke speaks to him. It takes a moment for the recognition to set in, for the sense of "oh." to register behind his gaze; he's...been having problems with this since Monday, really.

The concept of being afraid for someone else is still completely foreign to him, but it's starting to become recognizable, at least in other people.]

...Will you try not to be too upset with me, if I tell you?

[It's a really strange feeling. Don't ever do it, it's awful.]

Why would I be upset with you?

[It's obvious he doesn't understand, but that does get Ryuunosuke to settle a little.]

I'll try. I don't think I would be anyway, but... Yeah. I'll try, okay?

...Very well, then.

[He just kind of breathes for a moment at that, letting his eyes slide closed as he slides his suit jacket off; he unfastens the cuff of his shirtsleeve on the left side, pushing the fabric up over his arm.

There are bandages wrapped over his forearm, starting about an inch and a half above his wrist and running clear up, disappearing under where he's got his sleeve pushed up almost to his elbow; they aren't old-looking - it's clear that he's been maintaining them - but they're very clearly starting to stain pink despite the gauze beneath them.

He tosses his head a bit, and when he speaks he's clearly forcing any and all emotion out.]

I've been having some difficulties lately, that's all.

[Ryuunosuke tenses immediately at that. He knows he should stay put, but he doesn't think twice before standing and making his way over to Tsukiyama. He doesn't reach out to touch, but it's obvious that he's trying to get a better look at what's causing the bleeding beneath the bandages.

He doesn't deal with injuries on the living. Corpses are much easier to handle.]

What... What happened? You told me you couldn't be hurt by knives or anything...?

[It's more of a question than he cares to admit. He doesn't believe Tsukiyama was lying to him, but he's not sure what to make of this. The concern is evident in Ryuunosuke's voice and expression, though it still doesn't reflect in his eyes.]

I can't.

[That much is entirely true, and there's enough conviction behind it to make it obvious that he's not just saying that to try to make Ryuunosuke shut up about it.]

I've been in a situation like this before - where I had to eat something, or I would die. There were no other options, so I did what was necessary.

It's a temporary fix, just to keep my energy up until a better solution can be found, but...everyone's flesh can be eaten, and that includes my own.

[...He probably should find that more awkward than he does...]

But once starvation starts to properly set in, we can't recover from injuries very well; I...took too much, this last time, and it's not healing up.

[It takes him a moment to process all that. So these injuries were caused by Tsukiyama himself, because he's been starving and has to eat something, but he's not able to heal himself because he's starving. Ryuunosuke twitches for a moment before he finally settles on stepping forward.

And then he slams a fist against Tsukiyama's chest (he's not trying to hurt; not that it would even if he did try) and throws his arms around him.]

You idiot...

[His left shoulder still hurts and the movement isn't helping, but Ryuunosuke couldn't care less about that right now.]

I'm right here, Tsukiyama. You could've... You could've just told me! You could've said something and I--

[His grip tightens. You'll have to pry him off if you want him to let go.]

I'm right here! I can't... I can't do anything to help but-- but I'm human and I'm here and--

[He has to stop to catch his breath; he's worked up and kind of dizzy and he's scared. Ryuunosuke hates feeling like this. He's never hated anything as much as he hates this feeling.]

Let me help! Please... please, just... Take whatever you need - whatever you want, I don't care. I just don't want you to keep suffering, okay?

[Tsukiyama flinches when Ryuunosuke lashes out at him, but he doesn't try to hit back; his hands do shift up to rest on Ryuunosuke's upper arms at that, though, and he leaves them there when Ryuunosuke's arms wrap around his body.

He isn't really returning the embrace, however; he's just...trying to process what he's being told.

I'm human and I'm here and-

No.

Take whatever you need-

No, that's...]

...At this point, if I take what I want, you're going to die.

[There's a strange, blank quality to his words; like he's not entirely aware that he's saying them.

He knows that he should tell Ryuunosuke that he won't, if he were a better person he would tell him that he won't, but the fact remains that it's been too long and he doesn't want to die here and he's been so fucking hungry- ]

Do you trust me to do this without killing you?

[I don't care.

The words nearly leave his mouth and honestly he's glad he's pressed this close to Tsukiyama so he can hide his face. He's not terrified by that thought at all. There are a lot of things that scare him here, but dying by Tsukiyama's hands isn't one of them. At the very least it would be an interesting death. Maybe Tsukiyama would even do him the favor of making it a really cool death.

But that's a horrible thought. He doesn't need to say that because it's not going to help. He gets the feeling Tsukiyama would hate that.

Tsukiyama's words pull him back to reality though and he finally moves enough so he can look up.]

Of course I trust you. I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone, I'm not... I'm not afraid. I'll be okay.

[And even if he isn't, he doesn't think he'd mind at all.]

[He reaches up a bit, running his hand through Ryuunosuke's hair for a moment; he's...relieved, really, and he doesn't know what he thinks of that. Even if Ryuunosuke had changed his mind, he could probably just take what he needs from him anyway, with or without permission...

...But then, he's had every opportunity to do that before now, hasn't he? If it were a matter of just taking what he wants, he's slept next to him every night, so he could have done it at any time.

He doesn't know what to think about that, so he quite simply doesn't, and he pulls away from him after a moment.]

If that's the case, I have bandages in my room, I'll get them...and take your shirt off while I do that, if you would - we don't need blood getting on it.

I won't take much; just enough to keep me going for a while longer, and to allow me to heal up. We'll...worry about anything else later, all right?

[He likes the touch but he steps back when Tsukiyama pulls away. He doesn't even lose his balance this time!]

Okay. Yeah, that's fine. Like I said, I'll be alright.

[Ryuunosuke wants to press, to say Tsukiyama could have asked him for this at any time, but he ultimately decides not to. Now's not the time. Tsukiyama needs to heal and Ryuunosuke's perfectly fine with giving him whatever he needs.]

Hurry back, alright?

Of course.

[There's a comment to be made in there somewhere about how Ryuunosuke obviously hasn't seen his general impatience with regards to food, but thankfully he has just enough decorum to not make it; instead, he simply does as he's told - he gets what he requires and returns, and when he does the knock is more to announce his presence than it is to as permission to come in, and somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that this is a terrible idea and he shouldn't go through with it but honestly...at this point he's too fucked up to care and he knows it.

It's a dangerous place to be, but Ryuunosuke seems to be good for doing dangerous things with.]

Do you want me to explain what I'm going to do, then?

[Ryuunosuke's got his shirt and jacket off and he's absently throwing those over the back of the chair when Tsukiyama knocks. His left shoulder is pretty bruised, the color isn't that bad right now, but it'll be awful later on. The bruise extends back towards his shoulder blade and extends a little bit down his arm. It's not a terrible injury or anything, but it's definitely not going to be pretty.]

Come on in.

[He's not sure if Tsukiyama wants him to be sitting or not, so he just ends up kind of standing there awkwardly.]

Yeah uh, that'd be good. I'm not really... used to pain or anything, so I'll try not to flinch too much.

Edited 2015-07-15 21:14 (UTC)

All right, well... If I were to be doing what I want with you, I would probably take your legs - either your legs or your eyes, your eyes interest me. But I think people would notice if either of those came up missing, n'est-ce pas? So let's see.

[...Thanks, Tsukiyama, because this situation wasn't surreal enough already.

He's noticed that bruising, however, and it's obvious when his gaze falls and lingers on it.]

Since you're already injured, we may as well make use of that - it's in such a convenient location, too...

[He approaches him then and circles him; the movement is space-invading, curious in an obviously inhuman sort of way - sizing him up just as much as it is looking him over.]

What I'm going to do, since ideally I'll only have to bite you once, is take from here - [and he reaches out then, sweeping his fingers along the join between Ryuunosuke's neck and his shoulder, not enough to agitate the bruising but more than enough to be felt] - just so. There's a lot of blood in that area, and it tends to be fairly developed even in people who don't do much.

[No offense.]

I'll stop before I do too much damage to you; my control is good with these sorts of things. All right?

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