[That's not the concern at all. If Tsukiyama had wanted to hurt Ryuunosuke at any point, he easily could have. Ryuunosuke has completely trusted him for weeks.
That's not the concern; the concern is that he'd be perfectly fine with it.]
I don't... I don't want to die, I want to stay with you forever... but...
[He leans into Tsukiyama's touch and allows himself to just feel for a moment. It's sort of surreal, all things considered.]
But I'm so screwed up. Way more than I thought I was. I didn't think that was possible.
I've... never seriously been hurt before. But that... I don't understand - when I saw my own blood, I... I didn't feel any pain or anything. It was just... I dunno, it was just like the first time. That sense of wonder and excitement, the knowledge that this is wrong, but why would it ever be wrong when it's so, so cool... That sort of thing. I really didn't want you to stop. I wanted to know what it was like - dying, that is.
...I'm so screwed up.
[He laughs, the sound short and breathless.]
I don't understand. It's not like I want to stop living, it's just that I want to experience death. I think. I'm not sure if that's what it really is it's just... it's so confusing but...
[Ryuunosuke once again tightens his grip on Tsukiyama. He's not sure when it started to go slack.]
I don't want to leave you! I said I wouldn't and I meant it! I'm never going to leave you alone no matter how weird I am that's-- that's not going to change!
[By the time he's done with that outburst he's in tears again and Ryuunosuke kind of hates everything. Except Tsukiyama, he could never hate Tsukiyama.]
no subject
[That's not the concern at all. If Tsukiyama had wanted to hurt Ryuunosuke at any point, he easily could have. Ryuunosuke has completely trusted him for weeks.
That's not the concern; the concern is that he'd be perfectly fine with it.]
I don't... I don't want to die, I want to stay with you forever... but...
[He leans into Tsukiyama's touch and allows himself to just feel for a moment. It's sort of surreal, all things considered.]
But I'm so screwed up. Way more than I thought I was. I didn't think that was possible.
I've... never seriously been hurt before. But that... I don't understand - when I saw my own blood, I... I didn't feel any pain or anything. It was just... I dunno, it was just like the first time. That sense of wonder and excitement, the knowledge that this is wrong, but why would it ever be wrong when it's so, so cool... That sort of thing. I really didn't want you to stop. I wanted to know what it was like - dying, that is.
...I'm so screwed up.
[He laughs, the sound short and breathless.]
I don't understand. It's not like I want to stop living, it's just that I want to experience death. I think. I'm not sure if that's what it really is it's just... it's so confusing but...
[Ryuunosuke once again tightens his grip on Tsukiyama. He's not sure when it started to go slack.]
I don't want to leave you! I said I wouldn't and I meant it! I'm never going to leave you alone no matter how weird I am that's-- that's not going to change!
[By the time he's done with that outburst he's in tears again and Ryuunosuke kind of hates everything. Except Tsukiyama, he could never hate Tsukiyama.]