derailing | Chūntiān yòu lái dàole huā kāi mǎn shānpō

Entry tags:

!arts and lovecrafts

Chūntiān yòu lái dàole huā kāi mǎn shānpō

[Tsukiyama seems in high spirits tonight; it's a combination of his physical condition having taken an obvious upswing today and the motive going over well, really. It's a nice reprieve from everything the weekend decided to be; his energy is obvious when he goes to see Ryuunosuke that night.

The knock comes more from habit than necessity by this point; he's sort of wondering how Ryuunosuke took the motive, honestly, because Tsukiyama has definitely noticed the similarity between what he's been told about the Holy Grail War and this and he doesn't doubt that Ryuunosuke's done the same. At the same time, he also believes Ryuunosuke entirely when he says there's nothing that he wants from the Grail; it follows, then, that there's probably not much he wants here, either. Just the same, it's...interesting, really, and one of several things on Tsukiyama's mind.

Not like it's putting a damper on his mood any, though; god, today has been good.]

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[He just smiles and lets the kagune adjust itself, shifting into a state that's a bit more malleable before absorbing more RC cells into itself; the end of that ribbon sharpens, forming something far closer to a blade, elongating and thickening out and it's...actually a pretty impressive sword, when he's done with it.

He draws it down across his body and to his side with a flourish; it's been a while since he could do this properly, it feels amazing as hell.]

Wow...

[Ryuunosuke is practically bouncing. He kind of wants to touch it. He's pretty sure it'll slice his fingers open. But he kind of wants to touch it.]

That's so incredible! All ghouls can do something like this, right? Oh man, that's-- that's so cool!

[...Just don't flat-out grab the business end of it and you'll be fine.]

This is mine in particular - we all have different ways of using them, and there are different types besides, some more well-suited toward fighting certain others. Mine is mostly defensive; it's heavier than most, but I've worked out how to compensate for it.

[His eyes, at least, are back under control now that he's done actively messing with his kagune; he's willing to leave it out for a while longer, however, just because it feels good to be able to sustain it for a while.]

You're not the only one fascinated with our insides due to this sort of thing, however, it's a bit of an awkward topic for most.

[He'll come poke it again to see if it feels the same as before. This is so fascinating!!]

I would have thought a defensive one would look ugly or boring, but yours is so cool! It must be the prettiest one - I can't imagine anything being this beautiful.

[IT LOOKS LIKE A RIBBON HE CAN'T GET OVER THAT]

I'm guessing that's not something you guys find acceptable? But oh man, I'd love to see what you guys look like on the inside! And you can heal yourselves too and oh man...

[There's a weird almost-dreamy look in his eyes.]

The things I could do to a ghoul... I hope I don't have to imagine it for too much longer! I really, really want to see what I can do with someone who can heal from the injuries I give them! Though I guess it'd be impossible to find anyone willing to do that and keeping them from killing me is going to be impossible...

I can provide for you, in that regard; I've hunted ghouls before. It's not exactly smiled upon and it can lead to some particularly bad effects if I eat too many of them, but I know when to stop.

[...]

There are organizations, though, dedicated to hunting us down; they like to remove the organ that regulates our bodies and produces things like this - [he tips his head toward his kagune] - and then they make weapons out of the more powerful ones after they kill us. It's why it's a bit of an uncomfortable topic for most.

I don't particularly mind them; they've been after me for years now.

Oh, I get it. So messing around with a ghoul will make most of you guys think of that organization, huh? I guess I can see why something like that would exist to protect people or whatever, but ghouls are so fascinating! Why would you ever want to fight them?

[He settles a bit after a moment though.]

I can't wait to see more of it. I'm really, really glad you'll let me come with you, Tsukiyama!

Of course I will - it'd be a good opportunity for both of us, I think, and as I've said before, I want to see you happy.

[That does something weird to his feelings again and for a moment Ryuunosuke looks awkward, like he's really not sure how to respond.

He kind of appreciates feeling things, but this is still really weird.]

Thanks, I... I want to make you as happy as you make me. I'll do whatever I can!

I know you will.

[He withdraws his kagune then, allowing it to vanish entirely.]

Just promise me that you'll keep my life interesting, and that you'll continue to give me something to look forward to.

That's really all I ask.

Always. I promise.

[He'll never get bored of murdering people in Tsukiyama's world, he's sure of that!]

If there's one thing I'm good at - besides playing dumb - it's keeping things interesting. I won't let you down!

Then I'll be looking forward to the day we leave this place - now, more than ever. Neither of us will be alone again.

...But you have your servants and your family, right?

[Hang on, this is important. Normally it wouldn't be but things are different with Tsukiyama.]

So you're not really alone back home... are you?

[Ryuunosuke looks sort of alarmed by that thought.]

You had family as well, didn't you? You've had friends. People you like.

[There's no bite to his words; they aren't cruel. Just stating things.]

But just having them isn't enough, is it?

No. It never was.

[That gets him to settle and after a moment Ryuunosuke moves to sit back on the bed again. He pats the bed expectantly; come on, join him.]

...I used to get so frustrated with my family. With friends I could at least excuse that away with "oh, well I haven't met the right person yet". Some people just don't get along very well with others, and that's alright. That's normal. Not caring at all about your family isn't.

But I never hated them. I knew it wasn't their fault that I ended up like this. In the end though... they were just like everyone else. I didn't feel anything, even when I was killing them.

[...]

I kinda wonder what it felt like. To have your own child end your life. Heh, maybe Monobear could learn a thing or two from me, 'cause that sounds like true despair!

[Tsukiyama joins him easily; he considers getting his jacket or his shirt or...something before he does so, but there's not much sense in bothering, not after everything Ryuunosuke's already seen tonight.

He listens to that in silence, though, not moving from where he's sitting on the edge of the bed; he crosses his legs at the knee, leaning forward a bit as he listens and playing with his hands a little as he does so.]

I don't think I was always like this.

[The admission is unusually quiet; there's nothing hesitant about it, but it's pensive.]

It probably sounds a little strange to say that I don't remember, n'est-ce pas? It seems like the sort of thing that someone should, but I don't recall very much of it; I know there were dark times in my life, I know that there were times when I didn't want to eat and so I didn't for long periods of time...there was fear as well back then, a lot of it, and I remember feeling sort of lonely. But that sort of thing...there's distance there, so much so that it all feels like it happened to someone else - like perhaps it didn't happen at all, like it's something I read about before falling asleep and so my thoughts just integrated it, maybe.

[He shrugs, though.]

Ah, but even if that's what it was like, perhaps it's for the best that I don't recall details - because who would want to really remember details about something like that? I'm not that sort of person anymore, anyway.

[Ryuunosuke glances at Tsukiyama as he speaks, but he doesn't interrupt. By the time Tsukiyama's done, Ryuunosuke looks a little confused. This isn't like it was with Kureha - he can understand this, but he can also feel it. It's unpleasant, but at the same time he can at least take some comfort in the fact that he feels it.]

I... oh man, Tsukiyama... That sounds awful. Even if you aren't that sort of person anymore, it sounds so bad...

[He can't imagine it, but perhaps that's for the best. He's already taking this pretty poorly.]

[And Tsukiyama just...stares at that, looking over at Ryuunosuke as though he's a little startled; he smiles and shakes his head a bit after a moment, though, clearly trying to dismiss it.]

Ahhh, no, no, it's fine! It's nothing to be upset about.

[He reaches out then, running his hand through Ryuunosuke's hair a bit; see, he's fine, really.]

[He leans into Tsukiyama's touch, which is probably just going to get more glitter to go everywhere. Whoops.]

Okay. I don't want to be upset, it's just... weird...

[WHAT IS THIS FEELING AND HOW DO YOU DESTROY IT]

...You don't usually get upset for other people, do you?

[It's something he's...aware of, after what happened after the trial for Harvey and Kureha, but confirming it flat-out is probably a decent thing to do.]

No, never. I mean I can fake it pretty well, I think, but... genuinely upset? Never. It's... really weird...

[Yeah he's. Kind of fucked up. A little bit. In case you hadn't noticed.]

[Tsukiyama doesn't do emotions well.

He knows he should leave this alone and not even try to touch this because he really, really doesn't do emotions well and in all honesty he's not sure that he wants to put forth the effort, but at the same time, this is someone he's told a good amount about himself - not just the simple things or the things that he can amend to make sound better than they are, but almost everything, and it's that difference that gets him to pause, and then urges him to continue.]

So this is different for you, then...

[He keeps playing with Ryuunosuke's hair, glitter be damned.]

I'm not entirely sure how to help you, but if there's anything...you know I'll do whatever I can for you, n'est-ce pas? You can ask me for anything.

Well, that's just it, it's not... it's not all bad. If it was all bad then at least I could... I dunno, not talk about that stuff. But it's... also kind of nice?

[How does he even begin to explain this. He closes his eyes as he leans into Tsukiyama's touch while he thinks.]

...It's nice to feel something, even if it is something bad. It's nice that I can feel sorta normal, because I usually don't. And it's... I'm feeling something towards you, so no matter how awful the emotion is, it's okay.

[He laughs softly, running a hand down his face.]

Man, what the hell's happening to me? I've never been like this before. I guess meeting you has really changed me.

[That's such a human way to go about looking at something like this, isn't it? Wanting normalcy, even if it's unpleasant... He isn't going to claim to understand that last bit of it, either. Wanting to feel something toward a specific person is something he's never really understood as humans go; caring about people is a little easier to understand if he conceptualizes it as wanting to care for a pet or claiming someone as territory, but it seems that humans don't do things like that on a regular basis.

...Bluntly put, he doesn't really get anything that Ryuunosuke just said to him and it's obvious in his expression, but at least he's trying to understand it, and he's not going to stop playing with his hair, either.]

Even if it's unpleasant...if it's normalcy that you want, Uryuu, then I'm happy that I can provide that for you, even if it's only for a while.

[It's alright, he's not sure he really understands either. Ryuunosuke laughs after a moment, shaking his head a bit.]

I'm not really sure what I want. I mean, the normalcy's kinda nice, as long as I don't have to deal with it too often. All I really want is to stay with you.

[...]

That motive today... The wish thing. I think that's what I'd wish for. I mean, if I had to rely on Monobear to grant me a wish. I'd wish to join you in Tokyo forever.

[Tsukiyama freezes up at that, his hand falling still against Ryuunosuke's hair; he can feel where his breath caught in his chest, and it takes him a moment to regain composure, to try to force down the urge to figure out what even caused that because now isn't the time - ]

Then we don't need his motive.

[His words are tight, but they're firm; just the same, they're picking up speed at a decent clip, even though he doesn't seem aware of it.]

We're going to get out of here of our own volition - we'll win the game, and you'll get what you want. You'll come back with me, and I'll...I'll make you happy, I'll make you so happy, just stay with me...

Chūntiān yòu lái dàole huā kāi mǎn shānpō

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