derailing | sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem

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!arts and lovecrafts

sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem

[It's been a rough day. Sure, Ryuunosuke's been sleeping through most of it, but recovering from a massive shoulder injury takes a lot out of you! Especially when you can't magically heal, goddammit Tsukiyama. Ryuunosuke doesn't regret it at all but he still feels sort of out of it after that conversation yesterday. Overall he feels better (ignoring the pain, of course) but for the majority of the day he's done nothing but sleep and lie in bed.

Ryuunosuke is actually up in the evening, but he's only sitting at the desk and writing. As usual, it's in Chinese and he pauses every so often to twirl the pen between his fingers while he thinks. He's never been the sort to keep notes or anything, but writing down his thoughts has actually helped him tremendously. It's a way to vent his feelings without having to talk to anyone. No wonder people keep diaries! He's got several sheets covered in writing around the time the nighttime announcements should go off, but he's not expecting Tsukiyama for a little while longer. Tsukiyama doesn't have anything to worry about from the other students after all, and Ryuunosuke doubts anyone would kill this early in the evening anyway.

The door is open a crack as usual, so Tsukiyama can let himself in should he want to!]

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Enough of a problem for me to mention it as possibly being one.

[He's aware that Ryuunosuke is likely getting upset, but at the same time, he did say last night that he wants to know about potential issues.]

Again, it's going to come down to a matter of strength. I'm used to sparring against someone stronger than I am; if Mochizuki-san isn't, there won't be an issue.

[...Well when you put it like that, he really did ask for this... Some part of him is pleased that Tsukiyama is actually talking about it, but...]

Is there anything I can do?

[He knows there isn't. Fighting a ghoul is out of the question, even if he did know how to fight. Getting involved at all is impossible. He'll be killed instantly.]

I... I really hope nothing happens. I don't want... I don't want you to get hurt.

...It's in our best interests to not move at all, much less against each other. We're going to destroy property if we fight, and we're still going to have to stand trial after being outed to everyone else. It won't end well.

But there's also a chance that one of us will decide we won't care, and that may set the others off. It's possible nothing will happen, it's possible we may have a bloodbath on our hands within the next week.

[What am I going to do if something happens to you? How am I supposed to keep going when there's probably nothing for me back home and you're the one person I care about? What do I do if I can't help you? What do I do if you're executed? What if--]

...Yeah.

[Ryuunosuke stands, slowly and awkwardly and once he's sure he's not going to tip over he walks forward and reaches out like he's going to touch Tsukiyama's hand, only to stop himself at the last moment. He's not trying to make eye contact, but he's not hiding his eyes either.]

Try to stay safe, alright?

[He can't ask for anything more.]

[Tsukiyama's gaze darts down to where Ryuunosuke seemed tempted to touch him only to draw up short; he isn't...entirely sure what to think about that but it's obvious that it strikes him strangely, and he finds himself drawing back - it's not an intentional movement at all, and he's suddenly aware that it's probably not helping anything right now, but he realizes well after the point where he can stop himself from doing it.]

Of course I will. I have promises to keep, don't I?

[That kind of hurts. ...No, there's not "kind of" about it. That hurts. Tsukiyama doesn't usually move away from him like that and Ryuunosuke's not sure if he did something wrong.]

Yeah. I'll never forgive you if you don't keep them.

[He's sort of smiling, but the expression isn't very genuine. Ryuunosuke doesn't even know what's wrong. His emotions are just doing something weird, it'll be over with soon enough and things will go back to normal. He's beginning to wish he'd never started having feelings in the first place when they keep malfunctioning like this.]

...You're not going out again tonight, right?

Of course not.

[He does smile a bit then, reaching out to run a hand through Ryuunosuke's hair.]

I'm going to be staying here with you.

Good. Good.

[He's so relieved to hear that and he leans into Tsukiyama's touch immediately.]

I'd be kinda mad if you ditched me while I'm in pain, you know!

[The words are very light though and he's obviously joking. He doesn't blame Tsukiyama for that at all.]

[He seems pleased with the reaction at least, the smile edging decidedly closer to genuine.]

I'm going to be all right, you know.

[His words are light while he plays with Ryuunosuke's hair a bit more, but they're entirely genuine.]

I'll make sure of it, no matter what happens; I have you to come back to, after all.

[O-Oh. It was less personal when Tsukiyama was just talking about promises in general, but Ryuunosuke is very happy with his words. He's turning pink, of course.]

Yeah! You wouldn't want to leave me alone, right?

[It's not really a question and he doesn't dwell on it.]

I'll wait for you, of course. I wouldn't dare do anything to risk my life. You'd probably be pretty mad at me for doing something that dumb.

[Some part of him vaguely wonders what it would feel like to be bitten by Meridiana or Ryoji--

He ignores it. There's no point in thinking about it. Ryuunosuke leans into Tsukiyama's touch for a moment before reaching out to grab his shirt. He's never been that big on physical affection, but there's something very different about this and even if it's something dumb like this, he wants it.]

I would be, yes.

[He lets Ryuunosuke grab at his clothes; he doesn't move to hug him properly, he just keeps playing with his hair where he is.

...Neither of them are that great at affection, really.]

I'd be angrier with whomever took you from me.

[He closes his eyes at that, tipping his head a bit in thought.]

What would you do to them? If they weren't going to be executed for whatever reason or you could kill them without worrying about being executed.

[He's probably very fucked up for wanting to hear this, but the fact that Tsukiyama would be angry at his death makes him feel special. Loved is a bit too strong and definitely not the right word (since he's sure that his family loved him, no matter how fucked up he was - well, at least until they knew about the serial killer thing) but it's the only thing he can think to describe it.

Whatever it is is a pleasant emotion though, and after yesterday's shitshow he'd like to hear something nice.]

[Fucked up or not, he does want to see Ryuunosuke happy; he also knows exactly what he'd do to anyone who gets in his way of that, one way or another.]

Anything I want, then? Well-

[...WE INTERRUPT THIS DESCRIPTION OF EVERYTHING SHUU TSUKIYAMA PLANS TO DO WITH REGARDS TO PREPARING AND EATING A LITERAL GODDAMN HUMAN BODY WITH A TEA AND KITTENS INTERLUDE, THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.]

...I believe that would be acceptable. Perhaps.

[THANK GOD FOR TEA AND KITTENS WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT THEM]

Ahh, Tsukiyama...

[This is not the sort of thing you should be blushing at you idiot.]

To go to such lengths for me...!

[Ryuunosuke tightens his grip on Tsukiyama's shirt for a moment before letting go in favor of moving forward and pulling Tsukiyama into a one-armed hug. He's trying to avoid agitating his left shoulder any more than he absolutely needs to and the result is a little awkward.

There are so many things he wants to say right now, but ultimately they're all awkward. They can discuss all of that when they get to Tokyo. Until then, he needs to avoid making things weird as hell.]

You're so, so good to me! I could never hope to compare to something like that! I didn't think I'd be worthy of something like that!

Why wouldn't you be?

[...Okay, let's. Try to avoid making this any more awkward than it already is, because this may go into hella awkward territory in a hurry, but...]

Huh? Well, something that incredible, that amazing, that... that cool... shouldn't it be reserved for...

[He was fine until he got to that part. Ryuunosuke opens his mouth to try to find something to say to finish that statement, but honestly he has no idea how to end it. It seems insulting to say "your friends" when he's obviously one of Tsukiyama's friends. "Your family" doesn't feel right either. "Your loved ones" is getting closer, but it's only just now occurred to him that he has no goddamn idea how Tsukiyama feels about him.

Tsukiyama said they would talk about it in Tokyo. That means he stands a chance, right? Tsukiyama would have just turned him down otherwise, he thinks.]

Your um... loved ones, I guess?

[He isn't sure he wants to see Tsukiyama's reaction to that, but keeping quiet really wouldn't help, so there it is.]

[Tsukiyama pauses for a moment at that, letting his hands run through Ryuunosuke's hair and tousling it a little, the motion gentle.]

Haven't I made it clear that you're important to me...?

[It doesn't exactly answer the implicit question, but it's a start.]

[Ryuunosuke wants to press. He wants to talk about this so damn badly. At the very least having some idea of where he stands would be nice, even if they talked about nothing else.

But he knows he shouldn't. It's a distraction and that's the last thing they need right now on top of everything else. He's never been good at waiting when he wants something though.]

Of course you have! It's just...

[ho don't do it]

I'm just curious to know where... exactly I stand there.

[oh my god]

...You want to know if I love you, is that it?

[Ryuunosuke...]

Didn't I tell you we shouldn't discuss this here?

Yeah. Sorry, I...

[shouldn't have done it]

Sorry.

[immensely regrets everything]

Why is this troubling you so much?

[He...hesitates, once that's out there. Ryuunosuke wants honesty, doesn't he?]

I'm not trying to argue, I just...don't understand.

...I don't really know.

[That does get him to relax easily and Ryuunosuke tips his head as he thinks.]

Maybe part of it's because I've never dealt with anything like this before? I'm used to faking it, sure, but this is completely different. I've always been kind of impatient - I mean I can usually coax myself into waiting for the perfect moment to strike when I'm picking victims and stuff but this is...

[Hmm. Actually...]

Well, this is new! It's kind of exciting but it's also kinda nerve-wracking. That makes it sound like a horror movie or a roller coaster or something though.

[ryuunosuke fucking uryuu ladies and gentlemen, the master of emotions]

[...the fuck are your feelings even, uryuu.]

...I'm fairly sure you just described "anticipation", amore, that's understandable.

[really annoying tbh...]

Oh! Yeah, that! That sounds about right!

[...YOU TRIED...]

It won't be much longer that you have to wait. If we can get the number down to seven we can actually guarantee victory - killing two people apiece will leave three people for the trial, both of us and one innocent person. If we both vote for them, that's a majority and we win.

...We should return to the original plan, I think, regardless of motive. Start pushing them until they break. Encourage the bloodbath instead of waiting to see when it comes. It's a little inelegant, but it's the best thing we have.

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