derailing | when the dark of the night comes around that's the time

Entry tags:

!arts and lovecrafts

when the dark of the night comes around that's the time

( CW: Cannibalism and suicidal thoughts )

[This week is shaping up to be just as bad as last week and it's only Wednesday. After falling down half a flight of stairs, Ryuunosuke's given up on today and has spent the day alternating between sleeping and (trying) to read, though reading and translating Chinese really isn't going so well in his state. The "demon summoning" book is back on the desk again and for now he's just staring up at the ceiling.

Tsukiyama should be back soon, right? Then they'll talk about... whatever happened to Tsukiyama's arm. There's no reason to worry. It's not like Tsukiyama's hiding anything big from him. There's no reason to worry.

Still, he keeps glancing over to the door as if that will make Tsukiyama show up faster. As always, the door is open just a crack, so Tsukiyama should be able to let himself in. Please don't be polite and knock today, Ryuunosuke really doesn't want to get up.]

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[He freezes up a little at all that; his gaze is still being held low, and he's...well, he's going to be staring at Ryuunosuke's shoulder for a while, let's put it that way, and he's not reacting to his touch, either.

He knows he should be; he just...can't, for some reason.

He should say something.]

I...

[Acknowledge him.]

...I know you are.

[It's a start.]

[Thaaaaat's not good, is it?]

Hey. Tsukiyama, look at me.

[He moves his hand down to gently touch Tsukiyama's cheek; he'll move his hand easily if Tsukiyama wants him to.]

Are you okay?

[That's the most pressing question.]

[...]

...I've never lost control like that before.

[The statement is blunted and blank; he doesn't seem to know what to do with it, and after a moment he shakes his head a bit, though it's not in response to Ryuunosuke's question, necessarily.]

Sorry, I...

[He seems to come back into himself a little more as he tries to process it; his gaze eventually does flick back up to meet Ryuunosuke's, at least.]

I suppose I'm a bit disoriented, that's all.

[That's not it and he knows it, but it's convenient enough.]

It's okay.

[He smiles easily at that and as long as he keeps his gaze on Tsukiyama he'll be fine. He's kind of worried he'll slip into that madness again if he looks at his shoulder.]

I'm not upset or anything. And I'm just fine! So don't worry about it, okay?

[He moves his hand up again to play with Tsukiyama's bangs. He'll move if Tsukiyama wants him to, of course.]

We're both okay and you're feeling a little better now, right?

[He actually does smile a bit at that, at least. Just...give him a moment to calm down, he'll manage.]

Much better, actually.

[He knows you will.]

See? I knew it'd be fine.

[...sure, Ryuunosuke.]

I'm really, really glad that you're feeling better. Is it going to take awhile for your arm to heal?

[Oh, the...right. That. The entire reason they did this to begin with, he'd nearly forgotten - ]

It should be fine, actually - our bodies tend to focus on healing injuries before anything else, and understandably so.

[That said, he moves to roll up his sleeve again to check, although- ]

...And I am never using this shirt again while we're here, there's no way that's going to come out...

[NO SERIOUSLY HE...KIND OF GOT BLOOD ALL UP ON IT WHERE HE WAS LEANING AGAINST YOU, CHRIST.

SO MUCH MAGENTA.]

It is a pretty ugly color...

[Ryuunosuke]

It's alright! You can always make another shirt!

[He wants to lean against Tsukiyama because he's feeling a little light-headed, but...]

Hey can you... uh... if it's not gonna be too much trouble, can you help me out here?

[He gestures to his shoulder without looking at it.]

I'm not sure I can handle it on my own.

[...God, he isn't entirely sure he can handle it either, not after that entire episode, but maybe between the two of them they'll have like...half a functional person that can handle this competently? Maybe?

Either way, he's quick to just...drag his sleeve against his face really quickly because holy god, he's probably got some of it on his face, reaching for the bandages as he does so. It's a tacky gesture, but he's already ruined the shirt and he doesn't feel like going into his jacket for the handkerchief, so...]

You should sit down; I'll take care of it.

[The usual gentleness is back in his words, and at the very least he's seeming decidedly less wigged out than a few minutes ago.]

[But there's something really attractive about you looking so feral--

err, right. He'll just sit on the bed and he's kind of glad he's not on his feet anymore because his head's spinning and wow that really hurts.]

And can you grab the painkillers while you're at it? They're somewhere on the desk.

[...Wait.]

How recently did you last have them? Because if it was within the last several hours, you can't.

[...........are you fucking serious]

But...!

[BUT IT REALLY HURTS]

S-So what am I supposed to do then?

Deal with it until enough time has passed, I'd imagine.

[...Says the guy with the now-functioning healing factor, like an asshole.

That said, just let him sit next to you on the bed and start dressing that injury - it's fortunate that he's been stockpiling gauze and bandages, because goodness, this is a mess.]

Ughh...

[He groans loudly and tips his head so Tsukiyama has plenty of room to work. Ryuunosuke makes the mistake of glancing down at the injury and he can feel himself beginning to slip - it's almost a surreal experience, feeling his mind completely fall into chaos and--

No, he's not doing that again - he can't afford to do that right now and if he does, Tsukiyama won't react well. It takes a ridiculous amount of effort for him to tear his eyes away from it, but his breathing has quickened and he feels really light-headed again.

He's fine - he's just fine.]

Edited 2015-07-16 00:53 (UTC)

[Tsukiyama isn't looking at Ryuunosuke, but he can obviously tell when he tenses; it prompts him to work a bit more quickly, anyway.

He doesn't exactly know what he's doing, but he spent a good amount of his high school years hanging out in a hospital, so he knows a few things.]

Are you all right...?

[Let's face it, you probably know a lot more than he does.]

Y-Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine; it's fine.

[That's entirely too many "fine"s for so few words, but he's not sure what else to say. He needs a moment to get himself under control, but he will be fine. Eventually.]

...You can talk to me, you know.

[Because it's different when he hides things from you, apparently...]

[That snaps Ryuunosuke back to reality in a hurry and he looks at Tsukiyama. His expression is blank, but it's not intentional.]

Can I?

[That's out there before he can stop himself and he winces.]

No, that's not... I know I can talk to you. That's not the problem. Can you talk to me?

[He doesn't sound angry or upset, but it is a genuine question. Sure, part of it is trying to deflect attention away from whatever the hell his brain just did, but he really does want to know the answer.]

[...now wait just a minute- ]

I'm...sorry, what?

You didn't tell me about any of this.

[He gestures vaguely to Tsukiyama's arm.]

I wouldn't have known at all if I hadn't... You weren't going to tell me, were you?

[And despite the words, he doesn't sound accusatory.]

Is there anything else you're keeping from me? I don't care if it's "not a big deal" or if you can handle it on your own or whatever. I just...

[He hesitates and glances away. How does he even end that? It's not like he can do anything to help, especially not when this is how he reacts to getting bitten.]

I don't like seeing you like this, okay? I don't like the idea of not knowing - that you might be the exact opposite of okay and I have no way of knowing because I'm not good enough at reading you to figure it out on my own and pester you about it until you give in. I don't want to do that but I want to do whatever I can to help--

[he can't help that's the problem]

I... I don't understand.

[Ryuunosuke's shoulders slump, which earns another wince.]

You were willing to tell me about the ghoul thing and what you eat and you showed me all your awesome abilities but you won't trust me with this? Did I... Did I do something wrong? Did I screw up somehow?

[Did he miss something he was supposed to pick up on and that's why Tsukiyama won't trust him with anything else? Is that it?]

...I don't understand.

...Why would I tell you about things like that?

[It isn't an angry question, or even a particularly distrustful one; there's no pointedness to it, no implied accusations, no awkwardly-placed emphasis to indicate that Ryuunosuke may have done something wrong to begin with. It's just...confused, perhaps startlingly genuine.]

I told you all of those things you mentioned because I trust you - they're the sort of things that I can't tell anyone. Why would you think you've done something wrong? Of course I trust you, amore, I don't understand why you think I don't.

[Well that question throws him horribly, hang on.]

Wh... What do you mean? Why wouldn't you tell me? You're in pain and you're hurting or you-- or you were. I don't...

[I don't understand, but that's not new, is it?

He's not sure why this is getting to him so badly, but Ryuunosuke's starting to shake and he can't seem to keep his focus on Tsukiyama. Thankfully he's not looking at his shoulder again, instead directing his attention to the floor.]

I'm sorry I'm not... I'm not trying to say that you don't trust me I'm just... really confused. I don't understand what my stupid emotions are doing and it hurts and I hate it.

[Ryuunosuke runs a hand through his bangs and laughs though the sound is tense.]

I want to know when you're not okay. Even if I can't help and even if it'll do nothing but upset me, I want to know. I don't know why and it sounds stupid as hell but...

[Ugh.]

...I don't think you're useless, you know. You keep saying things like that - that you can't help, that you don't think you can do anything but be upset at whatever I tell you. It has nothing to do with that - you know that, don't you?

[He looks up at that, obviously confused.]

Then what is it?

[Ryuunosuke will leave the rest of that alone for now since he's not sure what to do with it. It's nice to hear though, even though he's certain Tsukiyama's wrong. There really isn't anything he can do but get upset.]

[Must we.]

...Why would I show weakness like that to anyone?

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