derailing | when the dark of the night comes around that's the time

Entry tags:

!arts and lovecrafts

when the dark of the night comes around that's the time

( CW: Cannibalism and suicidal thoughts )

[This week is shaping up to be just as bad as last week and it's only Wednesday. After falling down half a flight of stairs, Ryuunosuke's given up on today and has spent the day alternating between sleeping and (trying) to read, though reading and translating Chinese really isn't going so well in his state. The "demon summoning" book is back on the desk again and for now he's just staring up at the ceiling.

Tsukiyama should be back soon, right? Then they'll talk about... whatever happened to Tsukiyama's arm. There's no reason to worry. It's not like Tsukiyama's hiding anything big from him. There's no reason to worry.

Still, he keeps glancing over to the door as if that will make Tsukiyama show up faster. As always, the door is open just a crack, so Tsukiyama should be able to let himself in. Please don't be polite and knock today, Ryuunosuke really doesn't want to get up.]

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It should be.

[He closes the distance between them then; he reaches out and runs his hands through Ryuunosuke's hair again before leaning in close.

His words are quiet when he speaks again.]

Look away, all right?

Why would I ever want to do that?

[There's something in Ryuunosuke's eyes as he says that, something that's different from the look he gets when he's shrieking about something cool. It's dark and vicious, but he's smiling and the expression isn't cold.]

I'll be just fine. Go ahead. Whenever you're ready.

[The noise that gets out of him is quiet, assenting; he shifts a bit to nuzzle up against him for a moment before he lowers his focus to that spot he'd pointed out moments before, breathing in deeply and taking a moment to let the moment flood through him, the soft, shaking warmth of anticipation coursing through his body before he bites.

Then the taste of blood hits him, and suddenly that's all that matters.

The reality of the situation is the first thing to go, becoming vague and blurred around the edges and lacking in detail, like standing behind frosted glass; he doesn't know who this is anymore and bluntly put he doesn't care, it's all heat and energy and thick fluids that are the wrong color entirely, and it tastes different than most of his prey back home - those are all athletes and idols and models, people chosen for aesthetics as well as high-class lifestyles - but for the time being he's willing to put aside any pretense of refinement for the sake of tearing into it anyway.

He registers, dully, that there's something strange in its blood, something bad, something reading to him as poison but there's not enough to hurt him, he can tell that much, and so it can be ignored; what matters is what's sliding down his throat and his breathing has gone heavy and jagged and angry, and somewhere in there he thinks that he should stop (why?), that stopping is important (why?) but what's more important right now is the way instinct is flaring up and telling him that if he doesn't eat now he's not going to get another opportunity. It's something he knows, though he can't say how he knows, and like hell if anyone is going to take his fucking opportunity while it's in front of him; he shifts just enough to pull whatever he's got close enough to reposition and bite it again.

Somewhere in there he knows that he's going to need to stop; for the moment, he's entirely too desperate to care.]

[It hurts there's absolutely no denying that and Ryuunosuke flinches hard. He can't quite relax though even once something in his brain kicks in and the pain slowly fades. Some part of him can acknowledge that this is all sorts of wrong, that this is completely fucked up and he's fucked up and Tsukiyama's fucked up - but the overwhelming majority of his mind is lost somewhere else entirely.

Ryuunosuke starts laughing, the sound quiet for a moment before it rises into a shrieking crescendo. He's almost a little sad he can't see exactly what Tsukiyama is doing to him, but he can see the blood and even though it's that hideous shade of pink he can tell that it's different than the blood of the victims. There's something almost magical about watching his own blood spilling and there's something about this that's familiar. He doesn't know why - it shouldn't be familiar at all. He's never been injured badly enough to see his own blood, but now he's wondering why. Why would he ever want to stop this?

Even if he could speak, he sees no point in it. There's nothing left to say. If Tsukiyama can't stop (won't stop) he won't care. He wouldn't try to stop Tsukiyama even if he thought he could manage it. Instead he brings his right hand up - it's shaking badly though he's sure that's just the exhilaration of the moment - and rests it against Tsukiyama's arm. Maybe it's reassuring or maybe it's encouraging, he doesn't know. He just needs something to hold onto right now because he's pretty sure if he doesn't have something real to focus on, he'll lose himself in this sensation. It's like nothing he's ever experienced before and he's not sure he'll ever experience anything like this ever again.]

Don't stop-- don't you dare stop-- kill me; spill all my blood-- I don't care, I don't care just don't--

[He's not even aware he's speaking and it doesn't take long before he's laughing again, the sound loud and jagged and even when he has to catch his breath he can't seem to stop smiling.]

[The laughter doesn't register to him at first as being wrong - it's all shaking and screams and tightening of muscles, it's the reason he likes to leave his victims alive, so he's not alone with the corpses and the silence and the strange sadness that comes with them; it's the touch that catches his attention, that draws him back into the moment a little, and the desperation and the anger are still there and overpowering but at the same time, there's enough of a crack in the veneer to let some things through.

His breathing is still jagged. Shallow. He needs to eat. He'll die if he doesn't. But if he's too fast with it he'll be alone with the corpse, and he hates that and he doesn't like being alone but someone had promised him that he'll never be alone again, right? They had promised each other. They're going back to Tokyo and they're not going to die and if he doesn't eat he's going to die here and he doesn't want to die here but there's something wrong with all of this and for a moment, he can't for the life of him understand what it is.

And he breathes in, between moments of trying to swallow all he can, and the scent of it hits him, and that particular scent has been all over him lately - in the mornings when he wakes up and when he'd had that strange moment after the last trial and they'd sworn they wouldn't lose each other and he fucking needs to eat but if he doesn't stop they're going to lose each other, aren't they, and he'll be alone with the corpse and either he'll be executed or alone with eleven other corpses, with Allie's and Silver's and Duster's and Meridiana's, and that...

He hesitates.

He's shaking badly, and he doesn't know when he started with that but he immediately wishes he'd stop; he thinks he understands why Kaneki was crying while he was eating everything in sight in those labs deep underground, and he immediately wishes he didn't.

He pulls his mouth away, swallowing thickly before he speaks; his body isn't the only thing shaking, his words are all over the place- ]

I need to stop. Please. Please, I...

[He doesn't even know what he's asking for, why he's phrasing it like that; he isn't crying, but he can't make himself stop shaking.

I need to stop (and I'm so fucked up).]

...I don't want any more.

Edited 2015-07-15 23:48 (UTC)

[Ryuunosuke's crazed laughter stops and starts whenever he needs to breathe but eventually he notices that Tsukiyama's shaking. His laughter slows and eventually he's just left trying to catch his breath and his head is spinning and slowly the pain is coming back and--]

Tsukiyama... Tsukiyama...

[He pulls his eyes off the mess his shoulder has become with some difficulty and focuses on his friend. Ryuunosuke doesn't understand why Tsukiyama is getting upset, but he does understand that now isn't the time to focus on his own confusion. Instead he reaches up to brush his fingers through Tsukiyama's bangs.]

Hey, it's alright. I'm okay. I'm okay, I just--

[Just what? Can he even find a way to explain what any of that was just now? He's not sure, so he shakes his head.]

Sorry, I'm sorry; I got carried away, that's all, I'm not... I promised I won't leave you. I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to me. And nothing has! I'm okay. I'm still here.

[He laughs at that, the sound soft and gentle.]

I'm sorry if I worried you. I'm okay, I promise!

[To be honest he's not sure that's even what Tsukiyama's so upset about, but he figures it's best to establish that first and move from there.]

[He freezes up a little at all that; his gaze is still being held low, and he's...well, he's going to be staring at Ryuunosuke's shoulder for a while, let's put it that way, and he's not reacting to his touch, either.

He knows he should be; he just...can't, for some reason.

He should say something.]

I...

[Acknowledge him.]

...I know you are.

[It's a start.]

[Thaaaaat's not good, is it?]

Hey. Tsukiyama, look at me.

[He moves his hand down to gently touch Tsukiyama's cheek; he'll move his hand easily if Tsukiyama wants him to.]

Are you okay?

[That's the most pressing question.]

[...]

...I've never lost control like that before.

[The statement is blunted and blank; he doesn't seem to know what to do with it, and after a moment he shakes his head a bit, though it's not in response to Ryuunosuke's question, necessarily.]

Sorry, I...

[He seems to come back into himself a little more as he tries to process it; his gaze eventually does flick back up to meet Ryuunosuke's, at least.]

I suppose I'm a bit disoriented, that's all.

[That's not it and he knows it, but it's convenient enough.]

It's okay.

[He smiles easily at that and as long as he keeps his gaze on Tsukiyama he'll be fine. He's kind of worried he'll slip into that madness again if he looks at his shoulder.]

I'm not upset or anything. And I'm just fine! So don't worry about it, okay?

[He moves his hand up again to play with Tsukiyama's bangs. He'll move if Tsukiyama wants him to, of course.]

We're both okay and you're feeling a little better now, right?

[He actually does smile a bit at that, at least. Just...give him a moment to calm down, he'll manage.]

Much better, actually.

[He knows you will.]

See? I knew it'd be fine.

[...sure, Ryuunosuke.]

I'm really, really glad that you're feeling better. Is it going to take awhile for your arm to heal?

[Oh, the...right. That. The entire reason they did this to begin with, he'd nearly forgotten - ]

It should be fine, actually - our bodies tend to focus on healing injuries before anything else, and understandably so.

[That said, he moves to roll up his sleeve again to check, although- ]

...And I am never using this shirt again while we're here, there's no way that's going to come out...

[NO SERIOUSLY HE...KIND OF GOT BLOOD ALL UP ON IT WHERE HE WAS LEANING AGAINST YOU, CHRIST.

SO MUCH MAGENTA.]

It is a pretty ugly color...

[Ryuunosuke]

It's alright! You can always make another shirt!

[He wants to lean against Tsukiyama because he's feeling a little light-headed, but...]

Hey can you... uh... if it's not gonna be too much trouble, can you help me out here?

[He gestures to his shoulder without looking at it.]

I'm not sure I can handle it on my own.

[...God, he isn't entirely sure he can handle it either, not after that entire episode, but maybe between the two of them they'll have like...half a functional person that can handle this competently? Maybe?

Either way, he's quick to just...drag his sleeve against his face really quickly because holy god, he's probably got some of it on his face, reaching for the bandages as he does so. It's a tacky gesture, but he's already ruined the shirt and he doesn't feel like going into his jacket for the handkerchief, so...]

You should sit down; I'll take care of it.

[The usual gentleness is back in his words, and at the very least he's seeming decidedly less wigged out than a few minutes ago.]

[But there's something really attractive about you looking so feral--

err, right. He'll just sit on the bed and he's kind of glad he's not on his feet anymore because his head's spinning and wow that really hurts.]

And can you grab the painkillers while you're at it? They're somewhere on the desk.

[...Wait.]

How recently did you last have them? Because if it was within the last several hours, you can't.

[...........are you fucking serious]

But...!

[BUT IT REALLY HURTS]

S-So what am I supposed to do then?

Deal with it until enough time has passed, I'd imagine.

[...Says the guy with the now-functioning healing factor, like an asshole.

That said, just let him sit next to you on the bed and start dressing that injury - it's fortunate that he's been stockpiling gauze and bandages, because goodness, this is a mess.]

Ughh...

[He groans loudly and tips his head so Tsukiyama has plenty of room to work. Ryuunosuke makes the mistake of glancing down at the injury and he can feel himself beginning to slip - it's almost a surreal experience, feeling his mind completely fall into chaos and--

No, he's not doing that again - he can't afford to do that right now and if he does, Tsukiyama won't react well. It takes a ridiculous amount of effort for him to tear his eyes away from it, but his breathing has quickened and he feels really light-headed again.

He's fine - he's just fine.]

Edited 2015-07-16 00:53 (UTC)

[Tsukiyama isn't looking at Ryuunosuke, but he can obviously tell when he tenses; it prompts him to work a bit more quickly, anyway.

He doesn't exactly know what he's doing, but he spent a good amount of his high school years hanging out in a hospital, so he knows a few things.]

Are you all right...?

[Let's face it, you probably know a lot more than he does.]

Y-Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine; it's fine.

[That's entirely too many "fine"s for so few words, but he's not sure what else to say. He needs a moment to get himself under control, but he will be fine. Eventually.]

...You can talk to me, you know.

[Because it's different when he hides things from you, apparently...]

[That snaps Ryuunosuke back to reality in a hurry and he looks at Tsukiyama. His expression is blank, but it's not intentional.]

Can I?

[That's out there before he can stop himself and he winces.]

No, that's not... I know I can talk to you. That's not the problem. Can you talk to me?

[He doesn't sound angry or upset, but it is a genuine question. Sure, part of it is trying to deflect attention away from whatever the hell his brain just did, but he really does want to know the answer.]

[...now wait just a minute- ]

I'm...sorry, what?

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