derailing | when the dark of the night comes around that's the time

[Ryuunosuke tenses immediately at that. He knows he should stay put, but he doesn't think twice before standing and making his way over to Tsukiyama. He doesn't reach out to touch, but it's obvious that he's trying to get a better look at what's causing the bleeding beneath the bandages.

He doesn't deal with injuries on the living. Corpses are much easier to handle.]

What... What happened? You told me you couldn't be hurt by knives or anything...?

[It's more of a question than he cares to admit. He doesn't believe Tsukiyama was lying to him, but he's not sure what to make of this. The concern is evident in Ryuunosuke's voice and expression, though it still doesn't reflect in his eyes.]

I can't.

[That much is entirely true, and there's enough conviction behind it to make it obvious that he's not just saying that to try to make Ryuunosuke shut up about it.]

I've been in a situation like this before - where I had to eat something, or I would die. There were no other options, so I did what was necessary.

It's a temporary fix, just to keep my energy up until a better solution can be found, but...everyone's flesh can be eaten, and that includes my own.

[...He probably should find that more awkward than he does...]

But once starvation starts to properly set in, we can't recover from injuries very well; I...took too much, this last time, and it's not healing up.

[It takes him a moment to process all that. So these injuries were caused by Tsukiyama himself, because he's been starving and has to eat something, but he's not able to heal himself because he's starving. Ryuunosuke twitches for a moment before he finally settles on stepping forward.

And then he slams a fist against Tsukiyama's chest (he's not trying to hurt; not that it would even if he did try) and throws his arms around him.]

You idiot...

[His left shoulder still hurts and the movement isn't helping, but Ryuunosuke couldn't care less about that right now.]

I'm right here, Tsukiyama. You could've... You could've just told me! You could've said something and I--

[His grip tightens. You'll have to pry him off if you want him to let go.]

I'm right here! I can't... I can't do anything to help but-- but I'm human and I'm here and--

[He has to stop to catch his breath; he's worked up and kind of dizzy and he's scared. Ryuunosuke hates feeling like this. He's never hated anything as much as he hates this feeling.]

Let me help! Please... please, just... Take whatever you need - whatever you want, I don't care. I just don't want you to keep suffering, okay?

[Tsukiyama flinches when Ryuunosuke lashes out at him, but he doesn't try to hit back; his hands do shift up to rest on Ryuunosuke's upper arms at that, though, and he leaves them there when Ryuunosuke's arms wrap around his body.

He isn't really returning the embrace, however; he's just...trying to process what he's being told.

I'm human and I'm here and-

No.

Take whatever you need-

No, that's...]

...At this point, if I take what I want, you're going to die.

[There's a strange, blank quality to his words; like he's not entirely aware that he's saying them.

He knows that he should tell Ryuunosuke that he won't, if he were a better person he would tell him that he won't, but the fact remains that it's been too long and he doesn't want to die here and he's been so fucking hungry- ]

Do you trust me to do this without killing you?

[I don't care.

The words nearly leave his mouth and honestly he's glad he's pressed this close to Tsukiyama so he can hide his face. He's not terrified by that thought at all. There are a lot of things that scare him here, but dying by Tsukiyama's hands isn't one of them. At the very least it would be an interesting death. Maybe Tsukiyama would even do him the favor of making it a really cool death.

But that's a horrible thought. He doesn't need to say that because it's not going to help. He gets the feeling Tsukiyama would hate that.

Tsukiyama's words pull him back to reality though and he finally moves enough so he can look up.]

Of course I trust you. I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone, I'm not... I'm not afraid. I'll be okay.

[And even if he isn't, he doesn't think he'd mind at all.]

[He reaches up a bit, running his hand through Ryuunosuke's hair for a moment; he's...relieved, really, and he doesn't know what he thinks of that. Even if Ryuunosuke had changed his mind, he could probably just take what he needs from him anyway, with or without permission...

...But then, he's had every opportunity to do that before now, hasn't he? If it were a matter of just taking what he wants, he's slept next to him every night, so he could have done it at any time.

He doesn't know what to think about that, so he quite simply doesn't, and he pulls away from him after a moment.]

If that's the case, I have bandages in my room, I'll get them...and take your shirt off while I do that, if you would - we don't need blood getting on it.

I won't take much; just enough to keep me going for a while longer, and to allow me to heal up. We'll...worry about anything else later, all right?

[He likes the touch but he steps back when Tsukiyama pulls away. He doesn't even lose his balance this time!]

Okay. Yeah, that's fine. Like I said, I'll be alright.

[Ryuunosuke wants to press, to say Tsukiyama could have asked him for this at any time, but he ultimately decides not to. Now's not the time. Tsukiyama needs to heal and Ryuunosuke's perfectly fine with giving him whatever he needs.]

Hurry back, alright?

Of course.

[There's a comment to be made in there somewhere about how Ryuunosuke obviously hasn't seen his general impatience with regards to food, but thankfully he has just enough decorum to not make it; instead, he simply does as he's told - he gets what he requires and returns, and when he does the knock is more to announce his presence than it is to as permission to come in, and somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that this is a terrible idea and he shouldn't go through with it but honestly...at this point he's too fucked up to care and he knows it.

It's a dangerous place to be, but Ryuunosuke seems to be good for doing dangerous things with.]

Do you want me to explain what I'm going to do, then?

[Ryuunosuke's got his shirt and jacket off and he's absently throwing those over the back of the chair when Tsukiyama knocks. His left shoulder is pretty bruised, the color isn't that bad right now, but it'll be awful later on. The bruise extends back towards his shoulder blade and extends a little bit down his arm. It's not a terrible injury or anything, but it's definitely not going to be pretty.]

Come on in.

[He's not sure if Tsukiyama wants him to be sitting or not, so he just ends up kind of standing there awkwardly.]

Yeah uh, that'd be good. I'm not really... used to pain or anything, so I'll try not to flinch too much.

Edited 2015-07-15 21:14 (UTC)

All right, well... If I were to be doing what I want with you, I would probably take your legs - either your legs or your eyes, your eyes interest me. But I think people would notice if either of those came up missing, n'est-ce pas? So let's see.

[...Thanks, Tsukiyama, because this situation wasn't surreal enough already.

He's noticed that bruising, however, and it's obvious when his gaze falls and lingers on it.]

Since you're already injured, we may as well make use of that - it's in such a convenient location, too...

[He approaches him then and circles him; the movement is space-invading, curious in an obviously inhuman sort of way - sizing him up just as much as it is looking him over.]

What I'm going to do, since ideally I'll only have to bite you once, is take from here - [and he reaches out then, sweeping his fingers along the join between Ryuunosuke's neck and his shoulder, not enough to agitate the bruising but more than enough to be felt] - just so. There's a lot of blood in that area, and it tends to be fairly developed even in people who don't do much.

[No offense.]

I'll stop before I do too much damage to you; my control is good with these sorts of things. All right?

Yeah, I'd rather keep my eyes and legs, if that's cool with you.

[But his tone is light and he doesn't seem bothered by this at all.

Ryuunosuke doesn't move as Tsukiyama circles him and he doesn't interrupt even as Tsukiyama explains. He does at least look a bit offended by Tsukiyama's remark before he relaxes again.]

Yeah. Okay. That shouldn't be a problem. Are you sure that'll be enough?

It should be.

[He closes the distance between them then; he reaches out and runs his hands through Ryuunosuke's hair again before leaning in close.

His words are quiet when he speaks again.]

Look away, all right?

Why would I ever want to do that?

[There's something in Ryuunosuke's eyes as he says that, something that's different from the look he gets when he's shrieking about something cool. It's dark and vicious, but he's smiling and the expression isn't cold.]

I'll be just fine. Go ahead. Whenever you're ready.

[The noise that gets out of him is quiet, assenting; he shifts a bit to nuzzle up against him for a moment before he lowers his focus to that spot he'd pointed out moments before, breathing in deeply and taking a moment to let the moment flood through him, the soft, shaking warmth of anticipation coursing through his body before he bites.

Then the taste of blood hits him, and suddenly that's all that matters.

The reality of the situation is the first thing to go, becoming vague and blurred around the edges and lacking in detail, like standing behind frosted glass; he doesn't know who this is anymore and bluntly put he doesn't care, it's all heat and energy and thick fluids that are the wrong color entirely, and it tastes different than most of his prey back home - those are all athletes and idols and models, people chosen for aesthetics as well as high-class lifestyles - but for the time being he's willing to put aside any pretense of refinement for the sake of tearing into it anyway.

He registers, dully, that there's something strange in its blood, something bad, something reading to him as poison but there's not enough to hurt him, he can tell that much, and so it can be ignored; what matters is what's sliding down his throat and his breathing has gone heavy and jagged and angry, and somewhere in there he thinks that he should stop (why?), that stopping is important (why?) but what's more important right now is the way instinct is flaring up and telling him that if he doesn't eat now he's not going to get another opportunity. It's something he knows, though he can't say how he knows, and like hell if anyone is going to take his fucking opportunity while it's in front of him; he shifts just enough to pull whatever he's got close enough to reposition and bite it again.

Somewhere in there he knows that he's going to need to stop; for the moment, he's entirely too desperate to care.]

[It hurts there's absolutely no denying that and Ryuunosuke flinches hard. He can't quite relax though even once something in his brain kicks in and the pain slowly fades. Some part of him can acknowledge that this is all sorts of wrong, that this is completely fucked up and he's fucked up and Tsukiyama's fucked up - but the overwhelming majority of his mind is lost somewhere else entirely.

Ryuunosuke starts laughing, the sound quiet for a moment before it rises into a shrieking crescendo. He's almost a little sad he can't see exactly what Tsukiyama is doing to him, but he can see the blood and even though it's that hideous shade of pink he can tell that it's different than the blood of the victims. There's something almost magical about watching his own blood spilling and there's something about this that's familiar. He doesn't know why - it shouldn't be familiar at all. He's never been injured badly enough to see his own blood, but now he's wondering why. Why would he ever want to stop this?

Even if he could speak, he sees no point in it. There's nothing left to say. If Tsukiyama can't stop (won't stop) he won't care. He wouldn't try to stop Tsukiyama even if he thought he could manage it. Instead he brings his right hand up - it's shaking badly though he's sure that's just the exhilaration of the moment - and rests it against Tsukiyama's arm. Maybe it's reassuring or maybe it's encouraging, he doesn't know. He just needs something to hold onto right now because he's pretty sure if he doesn't have something real to focus on, he'll lose himself in this sensation. It's like nothing he's ever experienced before and he's not sure he'll ever experience anything like this ever again.]

Don't stop-- don't you dare stop-- kill me; spill all my blood-- I don't care, I don't care just don't--

[He's not even aware he's speaking and it doesn't take long before he's laughing again, the sound loud and jagged and even when he has to catch his breath he can't seem to stop smiling.]

[The laughter doesn't register to him at first as being wrong - it's all shaking and screams and tightening of muscles, it's the reason he likes to leave his victims alive, so he's not alone with the corpses and the silence and the strange sadness that comes with them; it's the touch that catches his attention, that draws him back into the moment a little, and the desperation and the anger are still there and overpowering but at the same time, there's enough of a crack in the veneer to let some things through.

His breathing is still jagged. Shallow. He needs to eat. He'll die if he doesn't. But if he's too fast with it he'll be alone with the corpse, and he hates that and he doesn't like being alone but someone had promised him that he'll never be alone again, right? They had promised each other. They're going back to Tokyo and they're not going to die and if he doesn't eat he's going to die here and he doesn't want to die here but there's something wrong with all of this and for a moment, he can't for the life of him understand what it is.

And he breathes in, between moments of trying to swallow all he can, and the scent of it hits him, and that particular scent has been all over him lately - in the mornings when he wakes up and when he'd had that strange moment after the last trial and they'd sworn they wouldn't lose each other and he fucking needs to eat but if he doesn't stop they're going to lose each other, aren't they, and he'll be alone with the corpse and either he'll be executed or alone with eleven other corpses, with Allie's and Silver's and Duster's and Meridiana's, and that...

He hesitates.

He's shaking badly, and he doesn't know when he started with that but he immediately wishes he'd stop; he thinks he understands why Kaneki was crying while he was eating everything in sight in those labs deep underground, and he immediately wishes he didn't.

He pulls his mouth away, swallowing thickly before he speaks; his body isn't the only thing shaking, his words are all over the place- ]

I need to stop. Please. Please, I...

[He doesn't even know what he's asking for, why he's phrasing it like that; he isn't crying, but he can't make himself stop shaking.

I need to stop (and I'm so fucked up).]

...I don't want any more.

Edited 2015-07-15 23:48 (UTC)

[Ryuunosuke's crazed laughter stops and starts whenever he needs to breathe but eventually he notices that Tsukiyama's shaking. His laughter slows and eventually he's just left trying to catch his breath and his head is spinning and slowly the pain is coming back and--]

Tsukiyama... Tsukiyama...

[He pulls his eyes off the mess his shoulder has become with some difficulty and focuses on his friend. Ryuunosuke doesn't understand why Tsukiyama is getting upset, but he does understand that now isn't the time to focus on his own confusion. Instead he reaches up to brush his fingers through Tsukiyama's bangs.]

Hey, it's alright. I'm okay. I'm okay, I just--

[Just what? Can he even find a way to explain what any of that was just now? He's not sure, so he shakes his head.]

Sorry, I'm sorry; I got carried away, that's all, I'm not... I promised I won't leave you. I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to me. And nothing has! I'm okay. I'm still here.

[He laughs at that, the sound soft and gentle.]

I'm sorry if I worried you. I'm okay, I promise!

[To be honest he's not sure that's even what Tsukiyama's so upset about, but he figures it's best to establish that first and move from there.]

[He freezes up a little at all that; his gaze is still being held low, and he's...well, he's going to be staring at Ryuunosuke's shoulder for a while, let's put it that way, and he's not reacting to his touch, either.

He knows he should be; he just...can't, for some reason.

He should say something.]

I...

[Acknowledge him.]

...I know you are.

[It's a start.]

[Thaaaaat's not good, is it?]

Hey. Tsukiyama, look at me.

[He moves his hand down to gently touch Tsukiyama's cheek; he'll move his hand easily if Tsukiyama wants him to.]

Are you okay?

[That's the most pressing question.]

[...]

...I've never lost control like that before.

[The statement is blunted and blank; he doesn't seem to know what to do with it, and after a moment he shakes his head a bit, though it's not in response to Ryuunosuke's question, necessarily.]

Sorry, I...

[He seems to come back into himself a little more as he tries to process it; his gaze eventually does flick back up to meet Ryuunosuke's, at least.]

I suppose I'm a bit disoriented, that's all.

[That's not it and he knows it, but it's convenient enough.]

It's okay.

[He smiles easily at that and as long as he keeps his gaze on Tsukiyama he'll be fine. He's kind of worried he'll slip into that madness again if he looks at his shoulder.]

I'm not upset or anything. And I'm just fine! So don't worry about it, okay?

[He moves his hand up again to play with Tsukiyama's bangs. He'll move if Tsukiyama wants him to, of course.]

We're both okay and you're feeling a little better now, right?

[He actually does smile a bit at that, at least. Just...give him a moment to calm down, he'll manage.]

Much better, actually.

[He knows you will.]

See? I knew it'd be fine.

[...sure, Ryuunosuke.]

I'm really, really glad that you're feeling better. Is it going to take awhile for your arm to heal?

[Oh, the...right. That. The entire reason they did this to begin with, he'd nearly forgotten - ]

It should be fine, actually - our bodies tend to focus on healing injuries before anything else, and understandably so.

[That said, he moves to roll up his sleeve again to check, although- ]

...And I am never using this shirt again while we're here, there's no way that's going to come out...

[NO SERIOUSLY HE...KIND OF GOT BLOOD ALL UP ON IT WHERE HE WAS LEANING AGAINST YOU, CHRIST.

SO MUCH MAGENTA.]

It is a pretty ugly color...

[Ryuunosuke]

It's alright! You can always make another shirt!

[He wants to lean against Tsukiyama because he's feeling a little light-headed, but...]

Hey can you... uh... if it's not gonna be too much trouble, can you help me out here?

[He gestures to his shoulder without looking at it.]

I'm not sure I can handle it on my own.

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